Apple Jokes

Apple Joke #1

A Pittsburgh steel worker was driving through northern California’s apple country.
He stopped at an orchard and asked the owner, “How much are yer apples?”
“All you can pick for one dollar,” said the rancher.
“Okay,” said the Pennsylvanian. “I’ll take two dollars’ worth.”

Apple Joke #2

After a minor mathematical error on a routine report, a worker’s boss tried to belittle him in front of his peers. Angrily she asked, “If you had 4 apples and I asked for one, how many would you have left?” Quickly he replied, “If it was you who asked, I’d still have 4 apples.”

Apple Joke #3

Dad, do you like baked apples? Yes son, why?
The orchard’s on fire.

Apple Joke #4

First apple: You look down in the dumps. What’s eating you? Second apple: Worms, I think.

Apple Joke #5

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. “Dad!” he puffed, “is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?”
“That’s what they say,” said his Dad. “Well, give me an apple quick ? I’ve just broken the doctor’s window!”

Apple Joke #6

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?
Take a snorkel.

Apple Joke #7

How do you make an apple puff? Chase it round the garden

Apple Joke #8

How do you make an apple turnover? Push it down hill.

Apple Joke #9

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
When you take careful aim.

Apple Joke #10

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do? Keeps everyone away.

Apple Joke #11

If it took six pigs two hours to eat the apples in the orchard, how many hours would it take three pigs? None, because the six pigs have already eaten them all.

Apple Joke #12

Once upon a time there were five apples Which was the cowboy? None – because they were all redskins.

Apple Joke #13

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason. “What kind of pie do you call this ?” asked one schoolboy indignantly.
“What’s it taste of ?” asked the cook. “Glue!” “Then it’s apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap.”

Apple Joke #14

The desk sergeant answered the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. “You’ve got to help me! There’s a giant gray thing in my yard, and it’s pulling apples off the tree with its tail!” “What’s he doing with the apples?” the sergeant asked. “If I told you,” the woman cried, “you wouldn’t believe [...]