Baby Jokes

Baby Joke #1

A baby polar bear goes up to his dad and asks, “Dad, am I pure polar bear?” The dad replies, “Sure you are son. I’m all polar bear, my parents are all polar bear, your mom is all polar bear, and her parents are all polar bear.” Still unsure the baby polar bear goes to [...]

Baby Joke #2

A distraught mum rushed into the back yard, where eight-year-old Tommy was banging on the bottom of an old upturned tin bath with a poker. “What do you think you’re doing?” she demanded. “I’m just entertaining the baby,” explained Tommy.
“Where is the baby?” asked his Mum. “Under the bath.”

Baby Joke #3

A family of ducks were walking down the road when an 18-wheeler ran over all but 1 baby. Farther down the road a family of skunks were walking the other way when the same 18-wheeler ran over all but one baby. The duck and the skunk finally met each other and the duck said, “Excuse [...]

Baby Joke #4

A scoutmaster asked one of his troop what good deed he had done for the day. “Well, Skip,” said the scout, “Mum had only one dose of castor oil left, so I let my baby brother have it.”

Baby Joke #5

Cry Baby – by Liza Weeping

Baby Joke #6

Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water, please? But that’s the tenth one I’ve given you tonight!
Yes, but the baby’s bedroom is still on fire.

Baby Joke #7

Dewey and Odell met on the Brownsville main street. “Say,” said Dewey, “Ah hurd yew and yore wife is goin’ ta night school ta take Spanish lessons. How cum?” “Uh huh,” answered Odell. “We went and adopted us a little Mexican baby, and we wanna be able ta understand him when he gets old enough [...]

Baby Joke #8

Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit’s new baby? She thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor because it was a horrible yeller.

Baby Joke #9

Did you hear about the witch who had the ugliest baby in the world? She didn’t push the pram – she pulled it.

Baby Joke #10

Do you like your new baby sister? She’s all right. Do you play with her? No, and we can’t even send her back because she’s been here more than 28 days.


Baby Joke #11

Doctor, doctor, my baby’s swallowed a watch!
Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.

Baby Joke #12

Fred: My mum’s having a new baby. Drew: What’s wrong with the old one?

Baby Joke #13

How can you tell if a snake is a baby snake?
It has a rattle.

Baby Joke #14

How did the witch almost lose her baby? She didn’t take it far enough into the woods.

Baby Joke #15

How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rock-et.

Baby Joke #16

How do you get a paper baby? Marry an old bag.

Baby Joke #17

How does a baby ghost cry?
“Boo-hoo! Boo-hoo!”

Baby Joke #18

I got a letter from my sister. She just had a baby. But she didn’t say whether it’s a boy or girl. So I don’t know if I’m an uncle or an aunt.

Baby Joke #19

I see the baby’s nose is running again,” said a worried father. “For goodness sake!” snapped his wife. “Can’t you think of anything other than horse racing?”

Baby Joke #20

It can’t go on! It can’t go on! What can’t go on? This baby’s vest ? it’s too small for me.

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