Bar And Beer Jokes
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #1
A brain walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint of beer please.”
The barman looks at him and says “Sorry, I can’t serve you.”
“Why not?” askes the brain.
“You’re already out of your head.”
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #2
A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it.
The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing, they settled [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #3
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. “If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I’m against it.
But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #4
A cop is staking out a bar for drunk drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.
When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #5
A cowboy walks in to a bar and says,” I want a beer.” So after he drank his beer he was about to leave then he noticed that his horse was gone.He shouted,” if i dont get my horse back after this beer i am gonna have to do what i did in Georgia. So [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #6
A drunk is refused a drink in a bar, so he undertakes to prove to the barman that he is sober.
He gestures toward a cat near the doorway and says, “You see that cat coming in the door? It has two eyes. If I were drunk, I’d see four!”
The bartender looks, then pauses a moment. [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #7
A drunk stammers out of a bar and runs into two priests. He runs up to them and says, “I’m Jesus Christ.” The first priest says, “No, son, I’m Jesus Christ.” So the drunk says it to the second priest.
The second priest replies, “No, son, I’m Jesus Christ.”
The drunk says, “Look, I can prove it.” [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #8
A drunken man was wondering around the parking lot of a bar, bumping into every car and then rubbing the roofs of the cars.
The manager comes out of the bar and stops the guy. “What the heck are you doing?” he asks the drunk.
“I’m looking for my car, and I can’t find it.”
“So how does [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #9
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at three in the morning, at which time he is extremely drunk. After leaving the bar, he returns home on foot.
When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #10
A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club.
“You’ll be driving later,” replies the bartender.
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #11
A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk.
Wanting to help, he asked the drunk “do you live here?” “Yep”. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” “Yep”. When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked “Is this your floor?” “Yep”.
Then [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #12
A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours of the morning and the lady of the house flung open a window and shouted at them to keep quiet.
“Is this where Frank lives?” one of the drunks asked.
“Yes, it is,” the woman replied.
“Well then,” [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #13
A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand.
The turtle’s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender looks at the guy and asks: “What’s wrong with your turtle?”
“Not a thing,” the man responds, this beat [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #14
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, “Would you like to dance?”
The girl says, “I don’t like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn’t dance with you.”
The guy says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants.”
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #15
A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer.
The bartender looks at the drunk man and says,”I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink.” The guy swears and walks out of the bar.
Five minutes later the guy comes flying [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #16
A guy walked into a bar and said “Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender.”
But when it was time to pay, the guy didn’t have the money, so the bartender beat him up.
The next day the guy did the same thing, ordered a beer for everyone, even the bartender, and the bartender beat him up since [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #17
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. He only brought enough money for one beer though.
As he’s drinking his beer, which was quite expensive, he realizes how bad he has to go to the bathroom. Not wanting anyone to drink his expensive beer, he takes out a 3×5 note card and writes [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #18
A guy walks into a bar carrying a pair of jumper cables. He sets “em down on the bar. And then the bartender said “Now dont you start anything!!”
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #19
A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he’s willing to bet anyone who says he can’t.
The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, “What’s the [...]
Bar Joke, Beer, Booze And Fun #20
A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, “What’s that all about?”
The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, “Before you get your [...]
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