Beauty Jokes

Beauty Joke #1

A little boy came running into the kitchen.
“Dad, dad” he said, “there’s a monster at the door with a really ugly face”
“Tell him you’ve already got one,” said his father !

Beauty Joke #2

A monster went to the doctor with a branch growing out of his head.
“Hmmm,” said the doctor. “I’ve no idea what it is.” The next week the branch was covered in leaves and blossom. “I’m stumped,” said the doctor, “but you can try taking these pills.” When the monster came back a month later the [...]

Beauty Joke #3

A witch went into a beauty parlor and asked the assistant how much it would cost to make her look like a film star.
“Nothing,” replied the assistant. “Nothing?” she asked, “but how can I look like a film star?” “Haven’t you seen a film called The Creature from the Black Lagoon?” replied the assistant.

Beauty Joke #4

A woman went to a sweet store to buy some sweets. The boy behind the counter said “Gosh, your ugly aren’t you?, I’ve never seen anyone so hideous as you before”
“Young man” she replied. ” I didn’t come here to be insulted”
“Really”, he said, “Where do you usually go ?”

Beauty Joke #5

Beautician: Did that mud pack I gave you for your girlfriend improve her appearance ?
Man: It did for a while – then it fell off.

Beauty Joke #6

Bill: My sister has lovely long red hair all down her back.
Will: Pity it’s not on her head.

Beauty Joke #7

Did you hear about the girl monster who wasn’t pretty and wasn’t ugly ?
She was pretty ugly

Beauty Joke #8

Did you hear about the witch who did a four year course in ugliness? She finished it in two.

Beauty Joke #9

Don’t look out of the window, Betty, people will think it’s Halloween.

Beauty Joke #10

First girl: I spend hours in front of the mirror admiring my beauty. Do you think that’s vanity? Second girl: No, it’s imagination.


Beauty Joke #11

First Witch: I went to the beauty parlor yesterday. I was there for three hours. Second Witch: Oh, what did you have done? First witch: Nothing, I was just going in for an estimate.

Beauty Joke #12

First witch: My beauty is timeless.
Second witch: Yes, it could stop a clock.

Beauty Joke #13

Fred keeps telling me that he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world. Oh, what a shame! And you’ve been engaged for such a long time!

Beauty Joke #14

Fred: What’s that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders? Harry: Help! What is it? Fred: Your head!

Beauty Joke #15

Girlfriend: Will you love me when I’m old and fat and ugly?
Boyfriend: Of course I do !

Beauty Joke #16

I can’t understand why people say my girlfriend’s legs look like matchsticks. They do look like sticks – but they certainly don’t match.

Beauty Joke #17

I don’t think these photographs you’ve taken do me justice.
You don’t want justice – you want mercy !

Beauty Joke #18

I’m not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that’s the problem – you don’t please anyone.

Beauty Joke #19

I’ve just come back from the beauty parlour.
Pity it was closed!

Beauty Joke #20

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. “I thought it was love at first sight,” said Julie. “It was, but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

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