Bed Jokes

Bed Joke #1

A little boy came downstairs crying late one night. “What’s wrong?” asked his mother. “Do people really come from dust, like they said in church?” he sobbed. “In a way they do,” said his mother. “And when they die so they turn back to dust?” “Yes, they do.” The little boy began to cry again. [...]

Bed Joke #2

A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her house after dark. “Hello, Jenny,” said the neighbour. “Isn’t it time for little girls to be in bed?” “How would I know?” asked Jenny. “I haven’t got any little girls.”

Bed Joke #3

Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed?
Jane: I can’t answer. I didn’t know I was supposed to keep count!

Bed Joke #4

Did you hear about the granny who plugged her electric blanket into the toaster by mistake? She spent the night popping out of bed.

Bed Joke #5

Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great, gooey, bug-eyed monsters playing tiddley winks under my bed.
What shall I do? Hide the tiddley winks.

Bed Joke #6

Doctor, doctor, I’m having difficulty sleeping.
Doctor: Well maybe it’s your bed. Oh, I’m all right at night, it’s in the day I have problems.

Bed Joke #7

Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister’s bed? Son: I couldn’t find a spider.

Bed Joke #8

How can you shorten a bed? Don’t sleep long in it.

Bed Joke #9

How can you shorten a bed?
Don’t sleep long in it.

Bed Joke #10

How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed ?
When your nose touches the ceiling !


Bed Joke #11

I don’t think my Mom knows much about children. Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I’m wide awake, and gets me up when I’m sleepy!

Bed Joke #12

I was once in a play called Breakfast In Bed.
Did you have a big role?
No, just toast and marmalade.

Bed Joke #13

I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me and said: “Good grief, where are your feet?” I must have left them in bed !

Bed Joke #14

I’d like to buy a bed, please. Certainly, madam. Spring mattress?
Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all year.

Bed Joke #15

I’d love you to stay the night, but I’m afraid you’ll have to make your own bed.
Oh, that’s all right, I don’t mind at all.
Right. Here’s a hammer, a saw, and some nails. The wood’s in the garage. I have four legs, but only one foot. What am I? A bed

Bed Joke #16

Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Bed !
Bed who ?
Bed you can’t guess who I am!

Bed Joke #17

Mother: Did you make your bed today?
Daughter: Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

Bed Joke #18

Shall I tell you the joke about the bed? No, because it hasn’t been made up yet.

Bed Joke #19

Sonny: I can’t sleep. What should I do?
Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you’ll be sure to drop off!

Bed Joke #20

The hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered bed and board, but it was impossible to say which was the bed and which was the board.

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