Biologist Jokes

Biologist Joke #29

A couple of biologists had twins.
One they called John and the other control.

Biologist Joke #1

Do molecular biologists wear designer genes?

Biologist Joke #2

Q: what’s a biologists definition of a graph
A: an animal with a long neck

A biologist from the North Pole was showing a new recruit the ropes of a polar bear radio tracking program. The new recruit said, “I know how the transmitters work, but I have one question–how do you catch the polar bears in the first place?” “I bet you use high-powered tranquilizer dart guns, right?”
“Oh no!” [...]

Biologist Joke #4

A biologist had been working on a remote research project in the Amazon jungle. Upon his return to the States, he came down with a terrible illness. After his health had deteriorated, his wife took him to a doctor who specialized in strange jungle diseases. The doctor gave him a complete examination and a series [...]

Biologist Joke #5

A biologist was interested in studying how far bullfrogs can jump. He brought a bullfrog into his laboratory, set it down, and commanded, “Jump, frog, jump!”
The frog jumped across the room.
The biologist measured the distance, then noted in his journal, “Frog with four legs jumped eight feet.”
Then he cut the frog’s front legs off. Again [...]

Biologist Joke #6

A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says That’ll be 80p [ATP]!”

Biologist Joke #7

A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party?”
“No,” says his Advisor, “in her biology class.”

Biologist Joke #8

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, “How was I born?”
“Well honey…” said the slightly prudish mother, “the stork brought you to us.”
“Oh,” said the boy, “and how did you and daddy get born?”
“Oh, the stork brought us too.”
“Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” the boy persisted.
“Well darling, the [...]

Biologist Joke #9

A group of goose biologists were meeting to brainstorm about the migration tactics of Canada geese. They were particularly interested in applying for a $100,000 Federal grant to investigate the “V” formation of goose flight. It had been observed that one side of the “V” is always longer than the other side. This group would [...]

Biologist Joke #10

A logger is driving down the highway and sees two botanists trying to measure the height of a small pine tree. Their tape measure is not long enough so one botanist stands on the shoulders of the other and attempts to extend the tape to the tree top but it is not long enough. While [...]

Biologist Joke #11

A pair of biologists are studying terns on a rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of the island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot farm. This happens several times and the local law enforcement refuses to investigate.
On their last day on the island [...]

Biologist Joke #12

A University had advertised for two biologists to help in their mammalogy department, specifically with a group of captive grizzly bears. They had only two applicants – a beautiful young women biologist and an older male biologist.
The mammalogist in charge of the project knew that not everyone can handle working with such fierce creatures so [...]

Biologist Joke #13

A wildlife biologist crew leader has several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews camped and worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair every few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they [...]

Biologist Joke #14

A wildlife biologist is working in the woods, miles from the nearest town. He’s camped alone with his dog and cat as his companions. Suddenly, an old gentleman carrying a small limp dog, franticly runs into his camp. “Please, please help me! I think something has happened to Willie. Our Winnebago is parked just around [...]

Biologist Joke #15

A young biologist was sitting on a stump at the edge of their camp. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. One of the other biologists saw his sad looks and asked, “What’s the matter?”
The young biologist said, “They put me in the same tent with old Doctor Perkins. He snores all night, takes [...]

Biologist Joke #16

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the [...]

Biologist Joke #17

A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked him what happened.
“You know what a crew boss is?” he asked. “The one who stands around and watches everyone else work.”
“What’s that got to do with it?” they asked.
“Well, he just got jealous of me,” the [...]

Biologist Joke #18

An 8th grade boy was doing some research for his career report at school. He asks his dad, “Father, how many wildlife biologists work for the Federal Government?”
“The honest father replies, “Oh, I would say at least half of “em.”

Biologist Joke #19

An old mountain man in Arkansas was sick and bedridden. He had not been outdoors for a few weeks and had a sharp craving for a meal of wild squirrel. He summoned his half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to go squirrel hunting and bring him back a squirrel or two. He also [...]

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