Birthday Jokes

Birthday Joke #1

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks, “I’ll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday.”
Well, you can imagine her disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn’t get her anything.
She says, “Why didn’t you get me a birthday present!?”
He replies, “You didn’t [...]

Birthday Joke #2

A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the pavement crying his eyes out. “What’s the matter?” she asked. “It’s my birthday!” he hollered. “And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon there’s to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday cake and a disco [...]

Birthday Joke #3

A man asked his wife, “What would you most like for your birthday?”
She said, “I’d love to be ten again.”
On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and they went to a theme park. He put her on every ride in the park – the Death Slide, The Screaming Loop, [...]

Birthday Joke #4

A man who forgets his wife’s birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

Birthday Joke #5

A St. Louis mother telephoned the capital building over in Jefferson City and asked to speak to the game warden. After being switched from office to office, a voice finally said, “Hello.” “Are you the game warden?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“Finally Ah’ve got the right person!” she said. “Could yaw’l gimme some help with my son’s birthday [...]

Birthday Joke #6

BoyFriend: Why didn’t you give me anything for my birthday?
GirlFriend: You told me to surprise you.

Birthday Joke #7

Cat: “What did you get him for his birthday?” Dog: “Pant . . . pant!” Cat: “Great . . . he needs a pair of pants!”

Birthday Joke #8

Charley wanted to buy Farley a birthday cake, but he couldn’t figure out how to get the cake in the typewriter so he could type “Happy Birthday”

Birthday Joke #9

Dad bought Mum a bone-china tea set for her birthday. How lovely!
Yes, but he only did it so as not to have to do the washing-up. Mum’s too frightened he’ll break it!

Birthday Joke #10

Did you hear about the dancer’s birthday?
It was a tappy one!


Birthday Joke #11

Did you hear about the time Eddy’s sister tried to make a birthday cake ?
The candles melted in the oven.

Birthday Joke #12

Did you hear about the tree’s birthday?
It was a sappy one!

Birthday Joke #13

First boy: Are you having a party for your birthday? Second boy: No, I’m having a witch do. First boy: What’s a witch do? Second boy: She flies around on a broomstick casting spells.

Birthday Joke #14

For his birthday the monster asked for a heavy sweater. So they gave him a sumo wrestler!

Birthday Joke #15

Fred: Do you like the dictionary I bought you for your birthday? Harry: Sure. It’s a great present but I just can’t find the words to thank you enough.

Birthday Joke #16

Fred: Have you noticed that your mother smells a bit funny these days? Harry: No. Why? Fred: Well, your sister told me she was giving her a bottle of toilet water for her birthday.

Birthday Joke #17

Fred: I was going to buy you a handkerchief for your birthday. Betty: That was a kind thought. But why didn’t you? Fred: I couldn’t find one big enough for your nose.

Birthday Joke #18

Good news! I’ve been given a goldfish for my birthday… the bad news is that I don’t get the bowl until my next birthday!

Birthday Joke #19

Grandma, is it exciting being 99? It certainly is! If I wasn’t 99 I’d be dead.

Birthday Joke #20

Helen: Mum, do you know what I’m going to give you for your birthday?
Mum: No, dear, what ?
Helen: A nice teapot.
Mum: But I’ve got a nice teapot.
Helen: No you haven’t. I’ve just dropped it.

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