Blonde Jokes

Blonde Joke #1

… Q.) Why would a blonde wear green lipstick?
A.) Because red means Stop.

A 92-year old woman had a full cardiac arrest at home and was rushed to the hospital. After about thirty minutes of unsuccessful resuscitation attempts the old lady was pronounced dead. The doctor went to tell the lady’s 78-year old daughter (who wasn’t blonde any longer, but just had to be at one time) that [...]

Blonde Joke #3

A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blond guy turned to [...]

Blonde Joke #4

A blonde and a brunette are sky-diving. The brunette jumps out the plane and pulls the cord – nothing happens.
She pulls the emergency cord and still nothing.
The blonde jumps out of the plane and yells “Oh! So you wanna race, huh?”

Blonde Joke #5

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 O’clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn’t jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead $50. [...]

Blonde Joke #6

A blonde and her husband were driving home, when they hit a rabit. They both got out of the car and stood over the poor creature.
The blonde and her husband just stood their, when she said “Oh i know.”
So she when in the car and rumaged through her purse and came out with what looked [...]

Blonde Joke #7

A blonde bought a brand new car and decided to drive down from some place far off, to meet this friend. She reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, she decided to return, and called up her mother to expect her in the evening. But she didn’t reach home in [...]

Blonde Joke #8

A blonde calls her husband at work one day and asks him, “Can you help me when you get home?”
“Sure,” he replies. “What’s the problem?”
“Well, I started a really hard puzzle and I can’t even find the edge pieces.”
“Look on the box,” he said. “There’s always a picture of what the puzzle is.”
“It’s a big [...]

Blonde Joke #9

A blonde came home from school one day and said to her mom, “I can count higher then all the kids in my second grade class, do you think it is because I am a blonde?”
Her mother replied, “Of couse it is, dear.” The next day, the blonde said, “I can say the alphabet higher [...]

Blonde Joke #10

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. “Please state the nature of your emergency,” says the operator.
“Help! My house is on fire!” the blonde replies.
“Okay, where do you live?”
“In a house you silly billy!” the [...]

Blonde Joke #11

A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for [...]

Blonde Joke #12

A blonde gets her first period, so she goes to the drugstore to get some pads. The wide selection and huge variety confuse her, so she asks the clerk for some help.
“What kind of pads should I get?” she says. “This is all new to me.”
“Well,” says the clerk, “that depends on the flow.”
She says, [...]

Blonde Joke #13

A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing [...]

Blonde Joke #14

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?”
The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.”
“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Why don’t you go home for the day… we [...]

Blonde Joke #15

A blonde got lost in her car in a snow storm. She remembered what her dad had once told her. “If you ever get stuck in a snow storm, wait for a snow plow and follow it.” Pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it. She followed the plow for [...]

Blonde Joke #16

A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open, exposing one of her breasts.
A nearby policeman approaches her and remarks, “Ma’am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?”
“Why, officer?” asks the blonde.
“Because your blouse is open and your breast is exposed.”
“Oh my goodness,” exclaims the blonde, “I left my [...]

Blonde Joke #17

A blonde once shot an arrow into the air… but missed!

Blonde Joke #18

A blonde opened a hair salon next to a graveyard and named it “Curl Up and Dye.”

Blonde Joke #19

A blonde suspects that her boyfriend is cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.
She goes to his apartment that same day, with the gun in hand. Sure enough, when she opens the door, she finds her boyfriend in the arms of a redhead. She points the gun at her boyfriend at [...]

Blonde Joke #20

A blonde tried to blow up her husband’s car, but burned her lips on the tailpipe.

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