Bus Jokes

Bus Joke #1

A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man’s supper and began whining and jumping up at him. “Do you mind if I throw him a bit?” said the man to the lady. [...]

Bus Joke #2

A man trying to get on an overcrowded bus was pushed off by the people inside. There’s no room,” they said. “It’s full up!” “But you must let me on!” shouted the man. “Why, what’s so special about you?” they asked. I’m the driver,” replied the man.

Bus Joke #3

As the bus came to the stop, the man at the front of the queue took out his eye, threw it up in the air and caught it before getting on the bus. An amazed conductor said, “What on earth did you do that for?” “I wanted to know if there was room on top,” [...]

Bus Joke #4

Bus passenger: I’d like a ticket to New York, please. Ticket seller: By Buffalo? Bus passenger: Of course not, I’m in the bus queue, aren’t I?

Bus Joke #5

Conductor, do you stop at the Savoy Hotel?
I should say not, on my salary!

Bus Joke #6

Conductor, this bus was very slow! Oh, I expect we’ll pick up speed now you’re getting off!

Bus Joke #7

Cross-Eyed Monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won’t stand in your way.

Bus Joke #8

Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. Witch: Well, I won’t stand in your way.

Bus Joke #9

Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn’t hurt yourself? Yes – I was trying to get to the back of the bus.

Bus Joke #10

Do buses and trains run on time? Usually, yes.
No, they don’t. Buses run on wheels and trains run on the tracks.


Bus Joke #11

Does this bus stop at the river? If it doesn’t there’ll be a very big splash.

Bus Joke #12

Have you heard that all the buses and trains are stopping today? No. Is there a strike? No, they’re stopping to let the passengers off.

Bus Joke #13

Have you seen the bus website?
Yes – it’s just the ticket!

Bus Joke #14

How can you kill an idiot with half a dollar?
Throw it under a bus.

Bus Joke #15

How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octobus.

Bus Joke #16

Is everyone in the bus? asked the driver before he closed the door.
“No,” called a lady, “wait until I get my clothes on.” All the passengers in the bus turned towards the door to look at the woman. She got on with a bag full of laundry.

Bus Joke #17

Janet: What’s the difference between a cake and a school bus ?
Jill: I don’t know.
Janet: I’m glad I didn’t send you to pick up my birthday cake !

Bus Joke #18

Passenger: Does this bus go to London?
Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There’s an advertisement for baked beans on the side, but we don’t sell them!

Bus Joke #19

Passenger: Will this bus take me to New York?
Driver: Which part? Passenger: All of me, of course!

Bus Joke #20

Q: What is a bus ?
A: A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

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