Car And Train Jokes
Car And Train Joke #61
Motorist: When I bought this car you told me it was rust-free, but underneath it’s covered with rust
Dealer: Yes, sir. The car is rust-free. We didn’t charge you for it, did we?
Car And Train Joke #62
My dad is stupid. He thinks a fjord is a Norwegian motor car.
Car And Train Joke #63
My sister’s a really bad driver.
What makes you say that? Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she’s run over.
Car And Train Joke #64
Ole and Lena were sitting down to their usual morning cup of coffee, listening to the weather report coming over the radio.
“There will be 3 to 5 inches of snow today, and a snow emergency has been declared,” the weather report said. “You must park your cars on the odd numbered side of the streets.”
Ole [...]
Car And Train Joke #65
On Fred’s 17th birthday, his Dad said he’d take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car, the father said, “Just one thing, Fred. If you’re going to hit anything, make sure it’s cheap.”
Car And Train Joke #66
One day a guy was driving with his 4-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, “I did that by accident.”
She replied, “I know that, daddy.”
He replied, “How’d you know?”
The girl said, “Because you didn’t say “ASSHOLE!” afterwards!”
Car And Train Joke #67
One day there was a family driving in the car to Michigan to visit their relatives. They were looking for the street they had to turn on to get to their relatives house. They accedently turned on the wrong street so they had to pull in a driveway and turn around. When they pulled into [...]
Car And Train Joke #68
One day, two guys were driving to a local grocery store to get some food. On the way to the store they ran into an intersection with a stoplight. The light showed red.
The man driving went right through the red light. The passenger looked at the driver and screamed, “What the heck are you doing? [...]
Car And Train Joke #69
Personally, I like to stay and read the credits. When the last scene of Titanic faded to black and people began rushing for the exits, I shouted: “Quick! There are only enough cars in the parking lot for half of us!”
Car And Train Joke #70
Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American driving habits, offers the following advice:
The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directly proportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one’s exposure.
One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirds are caused by non-drunk drivers.
Therefore, [...]
Car And Train Joke #71
Police Officer: Why are you driving in a bathing suit?
Motorist: I’m in a car pool.
Car And Train Joke #72
Police Officer: Why were you speeding?
Women Driver: I was late for traffic school.
Car And Train Joke #73
Policeman: Are you going to a fire?
Motorist: No, I’m trying to prevent one. That’s what my boss said would happen if I were late again.
Car And Train Joke #74
Policeman: Did you realize you just missed that bus with your car?
Motorist: Did you want me to hit it?
Car And Train Joke #75
Policeman: Didn’t you hear me whistle at you?
Woman Driver: Sure, but I don’t flirt when I drive.
Car And Train Joke #76
Policeman: Didn’t you hear my siren?
Motorist: Sure, that’s why I sped up.
Car And Train Joke #77
Policeman: Didn’t you see my lights flashing?
Motorist: No, I was going faster than the speed of light.
Car And Train Joke #78
Policeman: Didn’t you see that stop sign?
Driver: I keep my eyes closed in traffic.
Car And Train Joke #79
Policeman: Didn’t you see the signs with the speed limit?
Driver: I thought they were just suggestions.
Car And Train Joke #80
Policeman: Do you know how fast you were going?
Motorist: No, you’re the one with the radar.
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