The Funny Blog » Cat Jokes

Cat Joke #1

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods! A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!

Cat Joke #2

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

A guy walks into a laundry run by cats. "Excuse me", he said to the cat in charge, "Can you get milk stains out?" "Sure," replied the cat. "We'll have that stain licked in a minute!"

Cat Joke #3

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

A woman is walking in the park when she sees a man playing chess with his cat. She says to the man "I can't believe what I'm seeing, a cat that plays chess, what a clever animal!!" The man replied "Nah lady this cats not clever at all I'm beating it 6 games to 1"

Cat Joke #4

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

Brother: Did you put the cat out ? Sister: Why, is it on fire ?

Cat Joke #5

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

Doctor, said the patient, "I need help! I can't stop acting like a cat!"

"How long have you had this problem?" the doctor asked.

"Lest's see," said the patient, "Mom had the litter in "41

Cat Joke #6

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

For all of you with teenagers or who have had teenagers, or are a teenager, you may want to know why they really have a lot in common with cats: - Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name.

- No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot.

- You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents.

- Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile.

- No cat or teenager shares you taste in music.

- Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing.

- Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did.

- Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom.

- Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture.

- Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.

Thus, if you must raise teenagers, the best sources of advice are not other parents, but veterinarians. It is also a good idea to keep a guidebook on cats at hand at all times. And remember, above all else, put out the food and do not make any sudden moves in their direction. When they make up their minds, they will finally come to you for some affection and comfort, and it will be a triumphant moment for all concerned.

Cat Joke #7

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

How do cats eat spaghetti ?

The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!

Cat Joke #8

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

How do cats eat spaghetti ?

The same as everyone else - they put it in their mouths!

Cat Joke #9

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

How do you know if you cat's got a bad cold ?

He has cat-arrh !

Cat Joke #10

Fred — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 18:38:45 +0000

How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling ?

She's got that down in the mouth look !