Christmas Jokes

Christmas Joke #1

A football supporter’s favourite Christmas song?
“Yule never walk alone”

Christmas Joke #2

A group of mountain climbers once heard Father Christmas go past.
They must have had sharp ears!
They were mountain-ears!

Christmas Joke #3

A rabbit’s favourite Christmas song?
“Lettuce with a gladsome mind”

Christmas Joke #4

Can I have a broken drum for Christmas?
The best thing you could have asked for. You can’t beat it!

Christmas Joke #5

Dear Father Christmas, could you please send me some Crocodile shoes!.
Father Christmas: Can’t do that one. He hasn’t said what size his crocodile takes!

Christmas Joke #6

Dear Father Christmas, this Christmas could you please send me a yellow door.
Yours, Sherlock Holmes Watson: So why do you want a yellow door Holmes?
Lemon-entry my dear watson.

Christmas Joke #7

Did you hear about Dracula’s Christmas party ?
It was a scream !

Christmas Joke #8

Did you hear about the stupid turkey?
It was looking forward to Christmas!

Christmas Joke #9

Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble? Its true….Comet cleans sinks!

Christmas Joke #10

Doctor, Doctor I’m scared of Father Christmas Doctor: You’re suffering from Claus-trophobia.


Christmas Joke #11

Doctor, Doctor, Father Christmas gives us oranges every Christmas. Now I think I’m turning into an orange!
Have you tried playing squash?

Christmas Joke #12

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a Christmas bell!
Just take these pills – and, if they don’t work, give me a ring!

Christmas Joke #13

Doctor, Doctor, with all the excitement of Christmas I can’t sleep.
Try lying on the edge of your bed…you’ll soon drop off!

Christmas Joke #14

ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve? ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!

Christmas Joke #15

Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp.
Father Christmas: That’s called “The Wizard of Ooze”!

Christmas Joke #16

ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do? SANTA: Use a pen.

Christmas Joke #17

Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can’t tell me why he does that!
“Oh, yes I can.” the elf said.
“Because tow “Eds are better than one, of course!”

Christmas Joke #18

Father Christmas lost his umbrella but he didn’t get wet! Why not?
Because it wasn’t raining!

Christmas Joke #19

Father Christmas win a saucepan in a competition.
Now thats what you call pot luck !

Christmas Joke #20

Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket.
Box office attendant: Then you’d better watch out… there’s a feller inside who has the job of punching the tickets.

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