Clinton Jokes

Clinton Joke #1

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch.
A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians he buries them.
The next day, the [...]

Clinton Joke #2

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.
As they read the menu the waitress comes over and askes Clinton, “Are you ready to order?”
Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a quickie.”
“A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the current situation of your personal life I don’t think that is a good idea.
I’ll [...]

Clinton Joke #3

Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a “tragedy”.
One little boy stands up and offers “If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” [...]

Clinton Joke #4

Bill Clinton is writing his memoirs.
They’re called “The Johnson Years”.

Clinton Joke #5

Clinton goes around telling people we humans are genetically 99.9% similar. Apparently the 0.1% is the character gene.

Clinton Joke #6

During a recent publicity outing, Hillary sneaked off to visit a fortune teller of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news.
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’ll just be blunt: Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a [...]

Clinton Joke #7

Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands of yards away. They all fall into a daze.
When they come to and extract themselves from the vehicle, they realize [...]

Clinton Joke #8

Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she’s pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: “How could you have let this happen?
With all that’s going on right [...]

Clinton Joke #9

How did Bill and Hillary Clinton first meet?
They were both dating the same girl in high school.

Clinton Joke #10

If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle, Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one would win?
Dan Quayle. He’s the only one who knows that harass is one word.

Clinton Joke #11

In a survey of American women, when asked, “Would you sleep with President Clinton?” 86% replied, “Not again”

Clinton Joke #12

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary’s high school love.
They exchanged hellos, and went on their way.
As they [...]

Clinton Joke #13

One day there were these three boys walking down the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: “HELP! HELP!”
When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first boy how he could ever repay him. The [...]

Clinton Joke #14

One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington’s ghost in the White House. “George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?” Clinton asked.
“Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did,” advised George.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. “Tom, what is [...]

Clinton Joke #15

President Clinton to maid: Mam, can you do something about Hillary’s room. She complains that it’s the ugliest room in the White House. Maid: Yes, Mr. President–I’ll remove the mirrors right away.

Clinton Joke #16

President Clinton, returning from a campaign stop in Arkansas, is climbing the steps to board Air Force One. Under each arm he is carrying a souvenir of his trip — a live razorback. At the top of the jetway, he is met by the guard, a Marine sergeant, who issues a crisp salute.
“I’d salute you [...]