Computer Jokes

Computer Joke #1

- Why do you think I spend too much time at my computer?
- Well, dear… Every time I ask you to close the windows you answer with “Please wait while your computer shuts down”…

Computer Joke #2

….. Ya see, we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?

Computer Joke #3

A caller, perplexed that his new desktop computer–the one that was supposed to do everything short of bringing on world peace – was doing nothing, cried out for help. No problem, the IBM technician said. First, open a “window” to launch a specific program. The conversation continued, and the caller asked a few moments later [...]

Computer Joke #4

A confused caller was having troubles printing documents. He told the technician that the computer had said that it “could not find the printer.” The user had even tried turning the computer screen to face the printerbut his computer still could not “see” the printer.

Computer Joke #5

A customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then he removed all the keys and washed them individually.

Computer Joke #6

A customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the screen and pressing the “send” key.

Computer Joke #7

A customer needed help setting up a new program, so the technician suggested he go to the local Egghead. “Yeah, I got me a couple of friends,” the man said. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, “Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.”

Computer Joke #8

A customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes to the technician. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of her diskettes.

Computer Joke #9

A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked “Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in [...]

Computer Joke #10

A Engineer and an Programmer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Engineer leans over to the Programmer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Programmer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window [...]


Computer Joke #11

A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in.
When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a “Keyboard Error” message.
She then asks “Why did it give me a keyboard error?
There isn’t even a keyboard attached?

Computer Joke #12

A pilot, Michael Jordon, Bill Gates, the Pope, and a pizza delivery man were all in a plane together traveling through stormy conditions.
Suddenly, the pilot came running back to the passengers and announced that lightning had hit the plane, and they were going to crash in a matter of minutes. “There are only enough parachutes [...]

Computer Joke #13

A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated “I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said “I’d like [...]

Computer Joke #14

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean one day noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message.
“Due to lack of maintenance,” [...]

Computer Joke #15

A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careened almost out of control down the road, bouncing off the crash barriers, until it miraculously ground to a halt [...]

Computer Joke #16

A software verifier read in the Bible that God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain, and happily thinks: “I never really considered myself a fool, but I never knew I was THAT clever!”

Computer Joke #17

A system programmer came home from work almost at dawn and told his wife enthusiastically: “Tonight I have installed a new release of MVS/ESA together with VM/CMS and CICS/VS”.
“G.O.O.D” answered his wife.

Computer Joke #18

A tech support employee once received a call from a disgruntled lady who had purchase one of their PCs.
“The cup holder on my computer broke! I just got some coffee and put it in the cup holder and then it broke, and the coffee spilled all over me! I want a replacement!”
The employee was a [...]

Computer Joke #19

A technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer put the disk in, asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and closing the door to his room.

Computer Joke #20

A technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and invalid”. The tech explained that the computer’s “bad” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.

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