Dog Jokes

Dog Joke #1

A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another shopper walked up to it and started talking. Didn’t I see you on a TV commercial? How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?

Dog Joke #2

A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an Internet cafe and the dalmation said to the hound, “Hey, check out my web site!” The hound asked for the address and the dalmation responded, “www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.

Dog Joke #3

A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: “HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.” A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign [...]

Dog Joke #4

A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said “Sorry mate no dogs allowed in here!” The dog said “Oh please don’t be like that, I’m trained and I won’t cause any trouble!” The bar man was astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with the dog and it’s owner. [...]

Dog Joke #5

A man and his son were shovelling the driveway after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered away from them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted angrily: “Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!” The dog charged happily back over to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing [...]

Dog Joke #6

A man is walking down the street when he hears a voice, “Pssst you come over here!” He looks round and can see no one but an old mangy greyhound. “yes over here!” Said the greyhound “Look at me I’m tied up here, I should be racing I won 14 races in my carrer you [...]

Dog Joke #7

A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said “Why do you want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy.” The man replied “Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make sure there are no [...]

Dog Joke #8

A man took his Rottweiler to the vet and said to him, “My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for it?”
“Well,” said the vet “let’s have a look at him” The vet picks the dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.
“Well,” says the vet “I’m going to [...]

Dog Joke #9

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an extraordinary performance. “That is a very smart dog,” the man commented.
“He’s not so smart,” said one of the irked players. “Every time he gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

Dog Joke #10

A man was very proud of his guard dog, he would leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his house was guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your big dog outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said “Yes why?” She said I’m [...]


Dog Joke #11

Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats anything. Especially fond of children.

Dog Joke #12

Alsation: How come you are always so well behaved when you go on a walk with your master? Chihuahua: It’s the leash I can do!

Dog Joke #13

Alsation: How did you find the fleas? Beagle: I didn’t! They found me!

Dog Joke #14

Alsation: I’ll see you shortly. Chihuahua: Okay, but don’t call me “Shortly!”

Dog Joke #15

Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you?
Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!

Dog Joke #16

Alsation: What is your favorite holiday?
Chihuahua: Howloween!

Dog Joke #17

Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping trips? Chihuahua: I like to “ruff it!

Dog Joke #18

Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian! No need to, it already has its own spots!

Dog Joke #19

Every time I tell my English Setter to stop barking, it never does! What does it do? It just stands on its back two legs and quotes Shakespeare! What? Yeah, it says, “To bark or not to bark that is the question!” and keeps on barking!

Dog Joke #20

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could draw. His dog’s name was “T-Square”, and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which he did with no sweat.
The accountant said he thought his dog, “Balance”, [...]

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