Food Jokes
Food Joke #1
A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills.
Food Joke #2
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and [...]
Food Joke #3
A family of three tomatoes were walking downtown one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind. The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, “Ketchup!”
Food Joke #4
A fat girl went into a cafe and ordered two slices of apple pie with four scoops of ice cream cover with lashings of raspberry sauce and piles of chopped nuts.
“Would you like a cherry on the top ?” asked the waitress.
“No, thanks,” said the girl, “I’m on a diet !”
Food Joke #5
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order.
There was a big sign posted. “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”
The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, “Believe me, if I HAD a bill larger than $20, I wouldn’t be eating here.”
Food Joke #6
A friend got some vinegar in his ear, now he suffers from pickled hearing.
Food Joke #7
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn’t find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, “Do these turkeys get any bigger?”
The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”
Food Joke #8
A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. “Give me a corned beef sandwich,” he ordered.
“Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.”
“What’s a Midnight Special?”
“A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, [...]
Food Joke #9
A new chef from India was fired a week after starting the job. He keep favoring curry.
Food Joke #10
A tourist walked into a fish and chip shop in Ireland. “I’ll have fish and chips twice,” he orders. “Sure, I heard you the first time,” came the reply.
Food Joke #11
An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. “Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area.”
“Heck, Gloria,” [...]
Food Joke #12
An irate woman burst into the baker’s shop and said, “I sent my son in for two pounds of cookies this morning but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest you check your scales.” The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, “Ma’am, I suggest [...]
Food Joke #13
And what’s your name?” the secretary asked the next new boy. “Butter.” “I hope your first name’s not Roland,” smirked the secretary. “No, ma’am. It’s Brendan.”
Food Joke #14
At a dinner party, one of the guests, an obnoxiously loud young man, tried to make clever remarks about everyone and everything.
When he was served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it up and smirked: “Is this pig?”
Another guest, sitting opposite, asked quietly: “Which end of the fork are [...]
Food Joke #15
At a party, a conjurer was producing egg after egg from a little boy’s ear. “There!” he said proudly. “I bet your Mum can’t produce eggs without hens, can she?” “Oh yes, she can,” said the boy. “She keeps ducks.”
Food Joke #16
Boy: What’s black, slimy, with hairy legs and eyes on stalks? Mom: Eat the cookies and don’t worry about what’s in the tin.
Food Joke #17
Camper: There’s something wrong with my hot dog.
Cook: Don’t tell me. I’m not a veterinarian.
Food Joke #18
Did you hear about the teacher who was trying to instil good table manners in her girls? She told them that a well brought girl never crumbles her bread or rolls in her soup.
Food Joke #19
Did you hear about the two peanuts walking in the woods?
One was “a-salted.”
Food Joke #20
Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice?
Why? Do I look like one?
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