Humor Jokes

Humor Joke #1

A Counselor saw a camper sitting alone. “Why don’t you play with your friends?” he asked.
“Because I only have one friend,” the girl replied. “And I hate her.”

Humor Joke #2

A gang of witches broke into a blood bank last night and stole a thousand pints of blood. Police are still hunting for the clots.

Humor Joke #3

A girl walked over to her neighbor’s for her morning chat session. When she got there, her neighbor remarked how tired she looked.
“Yeah” she said, “I didn’t sleep well last night, I had this really strange dream.”
“Do tell” said her neighbor, pouring the coffee.
“Well, I dreamed I woke up and went downstairs as usual, but [...]

Humor Joke #4

A guy goes to a girl’s house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
He picks it up, and as he’s looking [...]

Humor Joke #5

A husband and wife were shopping when the wife said, “Darling, its my mother’s birthday tomorrow. What shall we buy for her? She would like something electric.” The husband replied, “How about a chair?!?”

Humor Joke #6

A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician. He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, “He does it with a mirror” or “He’s got it up [...]

Humor Joke #7

A man had a nose ring fitted into his nose, a friend asked, “how much did you pay for that?”
“I paid through the nose!” he replied

Humor Joke #8

A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather difficult evening at work, he goes to the circus cafeteria, sits with other workers, and begins complaining [...]

Humor Joke #9

A man walks into a palm reader store and asks the reader, “Could you read my palm?” He shows his hand to her, and she says, “But…I can’t read your hand.”
“Why?” the man asks.
“I don’t understand your handwriting,” the woman replies.

Humor Joke #10

A man was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile. When the foreman asked the man why he kept painting less each day, he replied “I just can’t [...]


Humor Joke #11

A man went in to the bank and asked to see the man who arranged the loans.
“I’m sorry, sir,” said a cashier, “the loan arranger is out to lunch.” “Can I speak to Tonto, then?” asked the man.

Humor Joke #12

A monastery in the English countryside was having a hard time with its cash flow because of the dwindling number of monks available to help with all the work. Then one day two of the monks, who had been discussing the problem, suggested they open a fish and chips stand down on the highway, right [...]

Humor Joke #13

A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the desk. The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced. When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk. “We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to [...]

Humor Joke #14

A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for all the major status figures in Rome, Italy.
The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect. At the very last minute, she realized that she didn’t have any snails for this dinner party, so she asked her husband to run [...]

Humor Joke #15

A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer looked at the guy’s photograph, questioned her, and then asked if she wanted to give her husband any message if they found him.
“Yes, please” she replied. “Tell him Mother didn’t come after all.”

Humor Joke #16

A woman walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the woman hands over the [...]

Humor Joke #17

A young banker decided to get his first tailor made suit. So he went to the finest tailor in town and got measured for a suit. A week later he went in for his first fitting. He put on the suit and he looked stunning, he felt that in this suit he can do business. [...]

Humor Joke #18

A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 6 year old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and started talking with the workers. She [...]

Humor Joke #19

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he’s fallen in love and going to get married. He says, “Just for fun, Ma, I’m going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I’m going to marry.”
The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and [...]

Humor Joke #20

A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting “Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen” over and over again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn’t. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the [...]

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